Cool Story Bro

…tell it again.

So, last year my husband attempted to buy me a new laptop for Christmas.

“No! Mine works fine!” I argued.

And so, three months later, my computer crashed.


This was a lesson in “when your husband wants to do nice things shut up and let him do them”

So this fall, again, my husband wants to replace my now twice crashed laptop.

I look at the 11 inch Macbook Airs and I love them. I want them to be part of my family.

But, the washing machine has been occasionally not working.

So I say “no, let’s just get a new washer and dryer instead”*

We look at consumer reports and pick one out. Buy it on Black Friday (we had a nice helper at Sears who let us call in to get the deal, so it was just a phone call at 4 am, not a stupid line! Win!)

And last Friday what do I do?

Drop my laptop.


I am why we can’t have nice things.


*note to everyone: washers and dryers are only an ok gift if your spouse tells you to buy them one. Otherwise they aren’t a present.



So, life has been busy lately. Teaching, working at the church, high five-ing the pope? It’s a busy life. Plus I was in my gorgeous friend’s wedding, had a blogger meetup, went to California for Thanksgiving, and when you put that all on top of the fact that being awesome like me is a full time job? I’m a slacker blogger.

But here’s just some of the awesome in my life as of late:

While in Indianapolis, I didn’t just high five the pope. Someone foolishly put me in charge of meals. Which resulted in going to a place called Mug ‘n’ Bun. Mug. ‘N’. Bun. How could you not?
It was delicious. And even the bread on my grilled cheeseburger was salty
I like salt.

And I found Matt from the Real World!
True story: Real World New Orleans was on when I was in HS, and one of my best friends was Mormon. So we loved seeing our respective faiths up on TV. And now Matt from the Real World works for a ministry program that my church uses. Rad! And he was super nice.

Also awesome? My college bestie Sam sent me this
If you don’t get it you clearly need to read more Feminist Ryan Gosling.

But the most awesomeness in my life? Totes my husband.

Evidence: some days I teach and work at the church. This can make for some long days. 2nd grade with a chaser of teenagers? Jesus help me. On one of those days I got home from work and found these

(Two tarts cookies! The best. And tiny, so you can eat like 10)

And this

And, most importantly, this

(whoever came up with the idea of pink cans of sparkling wine WITH straws is my best friend)

Marriage is awesome.

Little things. Big world.

HI! It’s Kalin’s FAVORITE little brother.

She has apparently been a little too busy playing with dinosaurs to blog…

But that’s totally understandable.

I haven’t blogged on here in like 12 years (but at least im not just writing a post ALL ABOUT ORANGES), and in that time I’ve made some new little friends.

First, I fell in love, I met her on October 14th, and Siri and I fell in love immediately.

Next, I took up biking this summer when I picked up this little friend.

(it’s a 2011 trek 1.5)

I love my lil trek. I can pick it up with 1 finger! And I have the coolest cycling jersey to go with it.

(not obsessed with starbucks at all…)

and I ride my bike EVERY day. Ok, so maybe I haven’t ridden it in like a month cuz im lazy and it’s cold. I have good intentions, but seriously its below freezing out and theres snow. I dont care if I ran a 5k in the freezing cold and snow last year, Im an old man now.

Speaking of running, I havent been doing that. But im going to start again since me and Kalin and her husband are running the rock n roll half marathon in may! I did get new running shoes.

But they are WAY too little for my feet.

And my most exciting news is the addition to my family. I adopted him last, month. He was born in 2007 and weights just 2590 pounds and is 146 inches long.

This is Sheldon* [like Sheldon COOPER from big bang theory] my new car!

He’s just a little car in a big world.

And maybe Kalin will explain what happened to my awesome Jeep I used to have.

And in news unrelated to this post but super awesome, look at this amazing cake my coworked made for our starbucks holiday meeting!

She free handed that! crazzy.

*my car is also know as Anderson, as in anderson COOPER.

Life: complete.

I’m in Indianapolis for work. So life is crazy. But today I saw a priest dance to Justin Beiber. And I totally high fived the pope. Kinda.

Real posts once life is normal again. Whenever that may be.


So, some people like to hate on foods being described as “crack” when they are, in fact, not crack.

But here’s the thing. Every year, when Satsumas show up in the grocery store, I call them crack oranges.
I’ve been doing it forever, and stopping now would mean learning how to say “satsuma”. Which does not roll off the tongue the way “crack orange” does.

I went through a phase in college where I exclusively ate crack oranges and the peanut butter flavored South Beach bars.

(I had a whole theory there on why this was a healthy option. Because the South Beach bars had like, protein and vitamins and whatnot. And the crack oranges meant I wasn’t getting scurvy. I got told this wasn’t a good choice?)

Anyways, the most exciting day of the year for me, every year, is when I open up the paper and see this
It’s anti-scurvy season my friends.

Awesomely, this morning when my husband woke up to me telling him about how crack oranges were in at Fred Meyer and we had to go, he, in his half-awake stupor told me “let’s go get you baby oranges”

I tend to call things babies, so I could see how, half awake, he’d get mixed up. But you can’t call crack oranges by the wrong name.

I tried to correct him “they aren’t babies they’re CRACK. Crack oranges”

Undeterred, he responded with “crack babies!”

Delicious, delicious crack babies.

So friends, a PSA. There are crack babies out now.
Go eat them.



(yes, I don’t post in a month and then write entirely about oranges. Let’s not judge, ok?)

(also, wordpress suggested “prenatal cocaine exposure” as a tag for this post. Win)

Hipster Thanksgiving

Man, you know what’s gotten way too mainstream?

Thanksgiving in November

So overplayed.

Dude, you know what people don’t celebrate as often in Portland?

Canadian Thanksgiving.

Oh yeah, it exists. It’s ok if you haven’t heard of it. Not many people have. But it’s huge in Canada.

And so much less commercialized. I hate overplayed Thanksgiving has gotten. It used to be cool you know?

I can’t believe people still wait till November for it. You realize celebrating in October also helps subvert Columbus day too? Don’t even get me started on Columbus. Friggin’ colonialism.

Know what else is overdone? Roses.

Dahlias are way better. Plus I got mine from a small farm. You’ve probably never heard of it.

I debated between PBR and a barrel aged sour to go with dinner, but the co-op was closed so we were stuck with wine.

Symphony is kind of a rare varietal. It’s ok if you haven’t hear of it.

(if you look closely there’s a chip in the wine glass. Cause it’s vintage)

For desert we had pie that I baked while my husband watched football. But I baked it in a totally subversive way, I swear.

(pumpkin pie is so overdone. Apple pie is where it’s at)

And then we watched Win a Date with Tad Hamilton on HBO.

Ironically of course.

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving!


I’ve been terrible at posting.

And I’m going to follow up not posting with a super self-indulgent post.

It’s my blog, I do what I want.

So, I lost some weight. I have nothing interesting to say about it so I haven’t blogged about it, but now my pants don’t fit.

Which is sad because I hate shopping for pants.

And there are better things I’d like to spend my money on.

Like ice cream.

I’ve debated investing in enough ice cream to make my old pants fit again. But that’s probably not the best choice.

So I’ve been looking at thrift stores.

Here are the problems with that.

1. I live in Portland. Full of hipsters. Hipsters thrift. So things get picked over.

2. I am the most average sized woman. There was a time when I was super skinny and it made shopping awesome. Way better pickings when you’re a size 2 instead of a size 8.

3. I like looking for weird things at thrift stores. Not practical things.

4. I’m cheap. I am not going to pay $8 for old navy jeans. And thrift stores will price ish like that.

You put those together and thrift store visits result in buying oh…


for your husband

and this

so that no one will ever want to get in your pants again. Best dollar I’ve ever spent.

And pro-American holiday sweaters and frumpers are awesome and all, but it still left me with no pants.

But, I work at a church these days. Jesus and I are tight. And at youth group the other night when I was hiking up my pants for the 10th time he was like “yo Kalin. Give it another go. Cause right now you’re dangerously close to showing middle schoolers your underwear”

So today, I hit up the salvation army and found

Priced reasonably too! I found a pair of 7s and a pair of Rock & Republics (sadly not my size) for $7. New favorite store.

And this salvation army had a whole section of religious stuff. Which means I also got this
I’m wearing it to National Catholic Youth Conference next month.

Thank you Jesus!

And thank you Salvation Army. You’re my new favorite thrift store.