Tag Archives: surreal america

The Terrorists Won.

Important recent things in my life:

1. Went to Walmart two days before Christmas.

The terrorists have won.

We don’t live near a Walmart, so we never go (I’m not above Walmart, let’s not lie. Sometimes a girl needs elastic waist pants. But I’m not going to drive a half hour for some)  and we’d forgotten the majesty that a SuperCenter can be

Yeah, that’s a woman with a bleached mullet in footie pajamas and fake uggs.

Seriously guys, the terrorists won.

 

2. Went to Bend because it’s awesome. Evidence:

beer + sandwich at GoodLife is $9 before 4 on weekdays. Good beer + a bacon panini. For cheap.  Love it.

(Andrea btw rocks at Bend beer recommendations.)

 

3. Justin Beiber wrapping paper.

It’s real.

 

4. Baby Brother got the best Christmas present EVER

you’re welcome Baby Brother.

 

5. It’s 2012. Bitches.

A Real Spudnut Moment

So, I come from an area I like to call surreal America.

Because it’s like real America (we enjoy Olive Garden, have an annual rodeo, drive trucks, and do our best to not elect democrats), but weirder. Things like this make the front page of the news

Radioactive tumbleweeds. Causing an oil spill. You can’t make this stuff up.

It’s also a place where Sarah Palin spends Thanksgiving

And, sometimes, gives illogical shoutouts to local businesses

We visited this weekend for Daddy’s Day, and after busting out a long run Saturday morning, we, like Sarah, had a spudnut moment
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I’ve eaten many a spudnut in my day. But mostly I let other people pick them up for me, so I hadn’t hit up the actual shop in a long time.

Turns out?

This is the sort of store that you’d feature on Fox News.
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AMERICA.

The mix of over the top Americana with 50 year old booths and no sense of irony?

I love my hometown.

We got a couple spudnuts
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(perfect recovery food, right?)

and I thought of how proud Sarah would be of us.

Know what they tasted like?
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FREEDOM.

A Spudnut Moment

Know what I haven’t done in a grip and a half?

Posted a whole day’s worth of food.

So, here’s a day in the life.

I woke up exhausted and I downed two cups of unpictured coffee.

I’m an idiot and that was way too much liquid in my tummy, so I wasn’t digging  breakfast.  But I was off to teach and I knew if I didn’t eat something by calendar I’d be ready to eat the class pet.  So I ended up sticking one of these suckers
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(Fact:  these are better if you call them La vache qui rit.)

On some Dave’s Killer bread
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I adore hummus and toast in the AM (totally normal, right?), but I ate all the hummus last week and need to cook more chickpeas.  So this worked.

I grabbed my lunch
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Weird mishmash of stuff.
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Two kiwis, an apple, peanut butter (for the apple),  a hunk of Sin Dawg, crack oranges, and beef jerky.  I’ve been eating yogurt for lunches (and breakfasts) like it’s going out of style.  It’s kinda hit the point where it did go out of style.  Whoops.

(I ended up not eating the oranges, but I always aim to overpack-24 children + low blood sugar = hell)

And guess who I found in my class!  My friend from last year!  He switched schools!  Thankfully he’s less of a “friend” this year.

I got home from work and munched on some of these
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These are crack.  I would possibly birth your children for a lifetime supply of these.

While I munched I threw together dinner.

1 can diced tomatoes + back beans I cooked the other day + chicken + brown rice + corn + spices = soup
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More chips on there.  Way more.  But I hate soggy chips with a fiery passion so I add them as I go.

And for bed dinner
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Popcorn

Which was disappointing.  Not because I don’t love popcorn or anything, but because I watched my girl Sarah give a shoutout to my hometown (first min and a half is all you gotta watch)

And since watching that?  It’s all one big Spudnut moment.

And by “Spudnut moment” I mean I would kill for a spudnut right around now.

What’s a food you want and can’t get?  I want spudnuts.  And more of that PB ish from Trader Joe’s.

Small Town Girl

Population-wise, where I grew up isn’t that small.

But trust me friends, I’m from a small town.

Case in point-Friday of Thanksgiving we went to HOCKEY
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Here in Portland, hockey games are unfun.  I went once.  The best part was drinking out of my sippy cup on the max to the game.
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(Let’s not judge that I was drinking tequila in public from a princess cup, ok?)

But in surreal america?  Oh hockey is AWESOME.

For starters, Beer and I recommitted.
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True Luv.

(Shampoo and I on the other hand look like we’re seeing other people in this picture.  Hot.)

And there were fights

And when they play Cotton Eye Joe both small children AND middle aged men take their shirts off
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The husband didn’t believe this really happened.  It does.

And we got the best nachos EVER
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Baby Brother was all mad saying “I just spent $7 on nachos”

Then he ate some.

Holy Mother.

You know when bad for you food hits that right point?

These were it.

Hockey games-you love em?  I adore them, clearly, so long as they’re in my hometown.

What’s your favorite stadium food?

Off for a tetanus shot!  Back later with Life Lessons I Learn For You:  Don’t stick your finger in the immersion blender.

Because I may have done that.  Whoops.

In surreal america, where I grew up, there are three cities, that function as a metro area.  Pasco is one of the three.  It’s the poorest.  It’s the least white.

It’s also got the best food.

The food in Pasco is good.  And cheap.  And there’s a decent chance some of it isn’t meeting health codes (like the time I went to a taco truck, and had food served to me by one of the 5th graders from the school I worked at.) And sometimes, when you order, the person helping you isn’t exactly fluent in English, making what you’re buying and what it costs a magical surprise (this can be good, like the 25 cent cookies at Vierra’s.  Twenty five cents!  I was there at least once a week).

I worked in Pasco for a year, and ate the best Mexican food of my life the whole time.  So while we were in town for my shower, I took the fiance on a field trip to my favorite, Tacos La Fama
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See how it’s a building?  Not a truck!  This means you can sit down.  And the tacos are still just 1.25 each, just like everywhere else.  (That’s a picture of a torta, if you, like my fiance, were wondering)

I came to this place for the first time because I saw someone with taqueria tacos that had tomato on them.  It’s the little things in life people.

When I beat out of them where was serving up tomatoes I discovered that it was also indoors, and had a salsa bar
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There’s also some beans, friend onions, and peppers in a warmer you can add.  Score.

We got a coke with SUGAR
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we take our HFCS free soda seriously, clearly.

4 chicken tacos = party in my tummy
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Add some lime and some salsa verde.  Meal of champions.

This is possibly my favorite thing in the world.

The fiance had some carne asada
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Rocked his face off.

Funny fact-there was a girl sitting near us who was totally getting ready to blog about her meal.  She took tons of pictures and had a printout of some article on the best tacos in Pasco.

I judged, even though I was doing the same thing.

Taco trucks-love them?  Hate them?  Don’t live near them?

My week in Sarah Palin… [by baby brother]

Admittedly, this post title sounded like a much better idea when Eating Machine and I were not drinking…

I think this has some major promise in becoming a blog of its own, as well as getting me arrested for stalking loving Sarah Palin.

Well it all started Wednesday evening, when Sarah Palin arrived in my town to spend thanksgiving.

Thursday morning [thanksgiving] my brother and I decided we needed to go stalk visit our dear old friend Sarah, so we grumpily got up at 6 am and went out in the freezing cold trotted on down to the annual turkey trot at the park, where Sarah Palin was going to participate in the run.

Big Sister says:  my mother has never been more confused.  “You’re going on a RUN?  In the morning?!”

She told me she’s pretty sure Sarah Palin is a magician for making that happen

[i am 2 people to her left in the grey sweatshirt]

well then i decided i needed a creeper stalker pic…

she was insanely nice. like i know everyone says she has to be nice because she is trying to sell books and such, but like she was way nicer then she had to be. she also had her whole family there, the little girl behind the one in red next to palin [the one you cant really see] is piper, who was running around everywhere. and Bristol was there- and was not friendly.

Big Sister says:  Bristol was a disapointment to Baby Brother, who had plans to marry her.  Not so much, sadly.

After her thanksgiving break Sarah had a book signing at the local bookstore on Sunday. the line was INSANE. people started to line up at 10 am on saturday, 26 hours before the book signing would start. I had friends who got in line around 5 am, that i was able to have hold a spot for me. I went to mcdonalds up the street to get them some food, and came out of mcdonalds to find this:

How many of you can say you ran into sarah palin at mcdonalds? Where else would you find Sarah Palin.  True Americans only eat MEAT.  From McDonalds. [please note, the line was this dense the whole way, and this is probably about 1/4 mile to 1/2 mile from the bookstore] sarah decided to get out of her car on the way to the book signing to say hi to people in line.

Hey Baby Brother, remember how we were going to walk around outside the line and talk about how we saw her at Shari’s to make everyone jealous?  We almost predicted the future!

After waiting and waiting, we had success!

Yes, Baby Brother owns that many copies of the book.  That’d be 4 more books than he will read in any given year.

Palin even stayed extra long, her 2 hour book signing lasted over 3 hours and she still could not get to everyone, before leaving she did go out and talk to and hug and meet the people in line who she was not able to get to.

and the front page of the newspaper….

well that was my week in sarah palin. please note, i only like sarah palin as a person, and an entertainment figure. NOT as anyone i would ever want to have elected to anything. that would be terrifying.  Or AWESOME!  Bump-Its for all!

well i can smell the chex mix my mom just made and it is calling!

Why did mommy wait to make it till I left?  Is it because I only eat the cherrios and the rice chex?  They’re the best part!

I love christmas time, it means my mom is always making the best chex mix in the world. What is your favorite holiday time food?

and ps, here is one of our vlog attempts uncut…