I’m not Dead (but my appendix is!)

I haven’t blogged in forever.

I didn’t have an excuse.

But now I have an AWESOME ONE and I’m back to tell you about it!

(That’s my “this is an exciting story!” face. Also see the background? That’s called foreshadowing.)

Last week my tummy hurt. It felt all weird and bloated and painful.

I complained to my husband and he told me I had gas. Thanks honey.

After a few days of it, on Wednesday I made a doctor’s appointment. I was sure I’d be better before I went to the doctor. But I get horrible bad tummy aches every few months, so I figured I should see a doctor instead of just wallowing in pain and drinking ginger tea every time.

I call the doctor, make my appointment, and take a nap.

Wake up from my nap and my tummy is totally feeling better. It hurts down near my right hip now, but that’s how the tummy aches I got worked. Tummy, side pain, done.

My appointment was for Thursday afternoon. I was so sure I’d be better that I drew on my belly with a sharpie Wednesday night so the doctor could see where the pain had been. Because in the morning it’d be gone. I knew it would be.  I had low grade fever but whatevs.

I went to bed.

I couldn’t sleep.

Because it hurt.

It hurt a lot.

I got out of bed and walked around, hunched over like an old lady. Husband was all “We should go to the hospital”.

I scoffed. I was fine. I am tough.

Tried to sleep more. Kicked the husband out of bed because clearly he was in my way and that was why I couldn’t sleep.

Looked at WebMD. It was all “GO TO THE HOSPITAL NOW”

Looked at the hospital’s website. It was all “COME HERE NOW”

Still sure I was fine but wanting to stop hearing how I needed to go to the hospital I got dressed and we went.

We got to the ER, got checked in, and I had a CAT scan.

(at this point laughing hurt. A lot. Husband kept telling me about how for a CAT scan they had one of those big boxes like what they fill with worms on Fear Factor, only full of kittens, and they were just going to coat me with dozens and dozens of cats. This would make me laugh, then I’d yell at him that there were social workers in the hospital and I was going to tell them he was abusing me. We have a loving marriage)

I had appendicitis. And the doctor said given the degree of inflammation I’d probably had it for a few days. Rad.

I got an IV put in, taken up to a room and managed to take a self portrait for Facebook (I have priorities!)

before I was taken to surgery.

There are two types of appendicitis surgery you can have. They can do laparoscopic where they just have to cut some little holes into you. Or, if your appendix has ruptured you get your belly sliced into. Which obviously then raises your risk of infection and makes for longer healing time.

My appendix had exploded. Which they found out after trying the lap. So I got little puncture things AND a 3 inch incision. Fun! I looked really pretty after

Then I got to hang out in the hospital eating jello

Now I’m at home with my new friend Oxycontin.

The real moral of the story here? Girls don’t fart. So when their tummies hurt it isn’t gas pains.

The end.



7 responses to “I’m not Dead (but my appendix is!)

  1. Seriously? IT BURST? That freaks me out, glad you’re home with the pills now.

  2. brandi / branappetit

    i hope you’re feeling better! i’m such a hypochondriac that i always think something is horribly wrong with me, even at the slightest pain

  3. Great recap. I laughed, even though I know it was probably horrible for you. Glad you had good spirits! And I’m glad you’re home and ok. What a scary thing.

  4. YIKES. That is some crazy story. I hope you heal up quickly and feel better soon. XO

  5. Oh my gosh girl, that is scary! I hope you are feeling well now, and that recovery is going smoothly.

  6. Oh my god! That is terrible. I’m glad you got to the hospital. It sucks that it had already ruptured but it’s not like you planned it.

    I’m glad that you can keep your sense of humor during something like this. Hope you feel well soon.

  7. My first time here (from Lisa’s blog) and you’ve got yourself a new reader. I laughed reading this story, though I can imagine how it must have sucked. I had a similar experience with pancreatitis brought on by gallstone issues. I just got the lap scars though, no big ones. Glad they patched you up right, and you’re right of course- girls don’t fart!

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