Grace I am not

On Sunday, I stuck my finger in the immersion blender.
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My mother, from time to time has told me “we thought about naming you Grace, but it just didn’t fit”

This is a lie as she wanted to name me Regan.  And Dannon.  (Republican yogurt!).  And really, I’m not that clumsy.

But when I have clumsy moments, I go for epic.

Once, on a car trip, we got out at a park to eat lunch.  I got out of the car and immediately walked into and fell over a boulder.  Baby Brother was behind me, and got yelled at for pushing me.

He tried to defend himself, explaining “she tripped!”

Our mother stared at him in disbelief.  “How would someone trip over a rock that big?”

Sheepishly, I had to dust myself off and explain that yeah, I’m that awesome.

I do awesomely silly things like that far too often.  I take pans out of the oven and touch them.  I walk into doorways.  I have closed a car door onto my hand.

And like I said, my fingers met the immersion blender this weekend.  I’d been making refried beans and they were sticking to the blade.
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Clearly, the best course of action was to poke at them with my finger.

As I poked I thought “I really should unplug this before I’m touching the blades.”

And while thinking that, somehow managed to turn the blender on.

Gold stars for me, gold stars.
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Spinning blades = multiple cuts.  Sexxxxy.

(I’m restraining myself from showing you my finger.  It’s gross.  There are cuts on the front which mean my nail is purple.  Plus more on the back!  Fun!)

I’ve been going through bandaids and neosprin like it’s my job
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Because I honestly believe my finger is going to fall off.

(I tried to tell my husband this.  He said “Look it up on WebMD.  I bet it’ll say you have cancer!”)

I got a tetanus shot today, just to be safe
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And I’m staying away from sharp objects.

What’s your worst cooking injury? For years I had a scar from being burned.  At Baskin Robbins.  Only I could manage to burn myself in an ice cream store.

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11 responses to “Grace I am not

  1. when i was younger my mom wouldnt let me wear shorts or anything that exposed my knees or my shins because i was a walking disaster. my knees were always sprouting a new scrape so she figured if she could cover my knees with extra fabric it wouldnt get scraped as much….um yeah flawed thinking. she should have just put knee pads and shoulder pads on me and called it good.

    my worst cooking mistake is always with knives. I have a tendency to pretty much chop off a finger or stick a knife though my palm. when you hear an F-Bomb being dropped in my kitchen it probably cause i cut myself.

  2. You turned it on?! I’m surprised your finger is still attached. Thank you for sparing us from the real damage. Yikes.

    I’ve cut myself on the blades from my blender and from a food processor I didn’t even use. And, like you, I’m the kind of person whose brain says, “That pan just came out of the oven,” but whose hand can’t help but touch it. And I always say, “That’s hot!” Yeah, like that’s a big surprise, dumbass.

  3. Dannon? Ha! Ok this immersion blender thing sounds even worse now. It was still pulled in? OUCH@!!!!!!

    When I worked at Albertson’s I ran into the helium tank and got stuck under it. Fun times!

  4. My accidents tend to be with knives. Or I grab the handle of a cast iron skillet, forgetting that unlike other pan handles, it will be HOT. Especially when the skillet was in the oven. I can’t think of a worst, but my least favorite is when something slips and I Microplane my hand by mistake. That is when I curse the most. Your poor finger – glad it wasn’t any worse! The end of this post was so funny! How did you manage to burn yourself at an ice cream store?

  5. My worst cooking injury was a 3 months ago when I chopped a good chunk of my finger off. It took 3 weeks to heal.

  6. livelaughloveandrun

    Ahhhh! When you got the shot, did your dr. say it was okay?? A purple fingernail can’t be good! I hope your hand is feeling better!

  7. Oh no, sorry to hear it! I’m just as clumsy though…it’s not even funny how many cuts and scrapes I’ve gotten…I wind up with random bruises and just assume it’s from something I’ve walked into, fallen on, smacked myself with…hope it feels better though!

  8. holy mcjeez. thank goodness you are okay. I stay away from sharp objects if I can. Glenn has cut himself pretty deeply though. Worse thing I’ve ever done was a burn here or there!

  9. one time at baskin robbins i ran from the back and jumped to the front. i jumped into the doorway and hit my head. we are sooo not clumsy.

  10. Sounds like me. I am not graceful at all. I’m always falling, tripping, kicking myself, injuring myself, cutting myself…the list is endless!

  11. Pingback: Bear Season | I'm an Eating Machine!

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