In honor of this wonderful day, I would like to tell you something I’m thankful for.
I am thankful that the fiance is the only guy in Portland I’ve dated.
Because in my hometown all my exs are crazzzzy.
Here’s the first installment of “Everyone I’ve Made Out with has Issues”
A few years later I ran into him again. And being that I had no one nothing better to do we started hanging out.
Please note that in the picture he has what is known as an asshole beard.
He didn’t have it when we started hanging out.
He shaved it a week in.
That should have been my first sign.
Bam had no job. He’d dropped out of college after missing the end of a semester due to having felony drug charges brought up against him. He lived with his parents. And he was Catholic!
I clearly have no taste.
There were many quality things that Bam did.
Like on my birthday, when he brought me a card and candy. From the gas station. Because his parents pay his gas card.
Also on my birthday? We went to see 28 weeks later.
Had I seen 28 days later?
Do I like gory movies?
Not at all.
Romance friends, romance.
He was all in all a pretty terrible boyfriend.
I moved to Portland, and figured that was the end of it all.
Then, on Thanksgiving, he started texting me.
Yes, I answered, I was in town
No, I did not want to go to a bar with him. It was Thanksgiving.
No really, quite sure I’m not feeling the bar idea
Still not down for a bar
and then I got an extra awesome text
“I’m at your house”
So as you sit down to turkey dinner tonight, remind yourself, no matter how crazy your family may be, so long as your ex does not show up unannounced it could be much worse.