I’m Thankful to be far from my exs…

Happy Thanksgiving!

In honor of this wonderful day, I would like to tell you something I’m thankful for.

I am thankful that the fiance is the only guy in Portland I’ve dated.


Because in my hometown all my exs are crazzzzy.

Here’s the first installment of “Everyone I’ve Made Out with has Issues”

When I was 16 I had confirmation class with a guy we’ll call Bam.  Bam was really super cool.  He smoked, he had a car he drove too fast, and he went to church.

A few years later I ran into him again.  And being that I had no one nothing better to do we started hanging out.

Please note that in the picture he has what is known as an asshole beard.

He didn’t have it when we started hanging out.

He shaved it a week in.

That should have been my first sign.

Bam had no job.  He’d dropped out of college after missing the end of a semester due to having felony drug charges brought up against him.  He lived with his parents.  And he was Catholic!

I clearly have no taste.

There were many quality things that Bam did.

Like on my birthday, when he brought me a card and candy.  From the gas station.  Because his parents pay his gas card.

Also on my birthday?  We went to see 28 weeks later.

Had I seen 28 days later?


Do I like gory movies?

Not at all.

Romance friends, romance.

He was all in all a pretty terrible boyfriend.

I moved to Portland, and figured that was the end of it all.

Then, on Thanksgiving, he started texting me.

Yes, I answered, I was in town

No, I did not want to go to a bar with him.  It was Thanksgiving.

No really, quite sure I’m not feeling the bar idea

Still not down for a bar

and then I got an extra awesome text

“I’m at your house”


On Thanksgiving.

So as you sit down to turkey dinner tonight, remind yourself, no matter how crazy your family may be, so long as your ex does not show up unannounced it could be much worse.

Happy thanksgiving!


9 responses to “I’m Thankful to be far from my exs…

  1. lol. crazy exes.

    happy thanksgiving and i hope you’ll be able to find something to eat at dinner

  2. Lol. I feel like a Catholic angel because I do the opposite of all that, except I don’t go to church on non-holidays. Oops, can’t win them all

  3. OMG crazy man! Thank goodness you are FAR away!

  4. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha OMG! Love this post!! Crazy ex for sure!!!

  5. Omg he just showed up?! Haha

  6. I’m glad my sweetie is the only man I’ve dated…ever.

    Our little crazy ex story: early in our relationship, he got a string of hang-up calls. He thought it was the girl he had dated before me trying to warp his head, because that’s the sort of thing she liked to do. Then we visited his father for a holiday and his step-sister, who had driven up from Texas, approached us to say she needed his number again. The calls weren’t from his ex, but HERS. Her baby-daddy was snooping through her phone, found a male name, assumed she was cheating and stole the number to hound my boyfriend before deleting him from her address book. Cree-py.

  7. HOLY SHIT! Awkward alert!! I love how you posted a pic of him on here and don’t give a sh*t if he finds out..HAHAHAHHAAH. Too many exes girl! 🙂

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